Tag Archives: paris hilton

The Oracle of a Paul O…

I love that title…  Here’s a little bit of the buzz surrounding Sunday’s final.

Paul the Octopus has predicted Spain to beat the Dutch in Sunday’s final.  The mollusk medium has a 100% record in picking champions.  Of course, PETA thinks the whole thing is cruel and a gimmick, and that Paul should be released.  But according to Wikipedia, octopi are very intelligent… and if he wanted to get out, he bloody well could!

David Beckham has also predicted Spain to win….but unlike Paul the Octopus, Becks is not allowed out of his tank.  For the record, Becks had to pick Spain. The last time he went Dutch, he got in a world of hurt.

Still with the strange animals theme, there’s a parakeet in Singapore who’s “pecking” the Netherlands to win. Bird brain or brilliance? We’ll see Sunday.

All this animal business is crackers, of course.  Here in Canada, we let the bison roam freely and hope for the best, which is why no one is picking us, unless they’re tired of picking their nose and looking to make a joke.

The Lazarus of German football, Miroslav Klose, is doubtful for tomorrow’s consolation game against Uruguay. That would be too bad for Klose.  This is likely his last World Cup, and he needs just two goals to pass Brazil’s Ronaldo as the all-time leading World Cup scorer.  His four goals this tournament puts him past the legendary Pele and Gerd Muller.

It’s winter in South Africa, which means it’s flu season.  The bug has apparently hit the German camp, as well as Michel Platini. The UEFA chief was taken to hospital after collapsing at a Johannesburg restaurant. Officials say Platini was suffering from “flu-like” symptoms. They are likely the same symptoms I have when I show up for work on Friday mornings wearing sunglasses, smelling like a Belgian’s basement.  I bet Platini thinks he’s been poisoned by the English…

Paris Hilton is on safari in South Africa… despite her catch-and-release for marijuana possession. The hotel heiress was on Twitter after the trip, proving her crack qualifications as a zoologist and spelling bee champion.

If you happen to live in multi-multi-cultural Toronto, there are two big final parties happening. School Bakery at King and Dufferin is expecting 3000 Oranje fans, while Plaza Flamingo at College and Bathurst is expecting a thousand La Roja fans.  Hmmm… tall gorgeous Dutch girls, or sexy Spanish women… tough call, t0ugh call.

One final note: FIFA officials are hoping that Nelson Mandela will be well enough to present the winners with the World Cup. Mandela had an awful start to the tournament after his great-granddaughter died in a car crash on the opening day. Having the 91-year-old icon of human rights would be a memorable and classy way to end the tournament.

Brent Lanthier

Leave a comment

Filed under World Cup

Oranje bowl over Brazilians, while Black Star misses mos’ def(initely)

Wesley Sneijder - Holland v Brazil: Wesley Sneijder the hero in 'fantastic' performance

What a cracking day to sit on the couch and do nothing except watch footie.

World Cup favourites Brazil lost to the Netherlands… and I’ve desperately tried to write in a Dutch oven joke.  No luck, feel free to write in your answer below.

This game was the Felipe Melo show. First he set up Robinho’s goal to send the Samba Kings flying. But in the second half, he collided with his own goalkeeper and headed in a Wesley Sneijder cross. The goal tied the game and rattled Brazil. Then, Melo’s frustration with uber-pest Arjen Robben boils over. He kicks Robben to the ground and then inexplicably stomps on the Dutchman’s thigh.  Red card and it was “Boa noite” for the Brazilians.

Here are some interesting facts from the game:

  • For the first time in its World Cup history, Brazil loses after leading at halftime (now 35-1-2) and loses for only the third time after scoring first (now 53-3-4). The other two losses were the 1998 group stage versus Norway and the 1950 final versus Uruguay,
  • Melo’s own goal was Brazil’s first in its 97-match World Cup history. It’s just the second own goal in a knockout-stage match in the last 40 years,
  • Sneijder, who is 5-foot-7, became the shortest player to head a goal in at this year’s World Cup,
  • Brazil loses under Dunga for the first time when both Kaka and Robinho play (now 30-1-4),
  • Melo’s red card was 11th ever for Brazil, putting them one ahead of Argentina for most in WC history.

I think’s it’s off the mark to call this result an upset. Netherlands have not lost a competitive match since the Russians beat them in extra time in a Euro 2008 quarterfinal. That’s a streak of 13 matches.  And they are on a run of 24 games without a defeat, since a friendly loss to Australia two years ago.

Image: Uruguay v Ghana: 2010 FIFA World Cup - Quarter Finals

Meanwhile, Africa’s dream of a home-grown World Cup winner died after Ghana lost to Uruguay with a bizarre finish. Just before the end of extra-time, Uruguay’s goalkeeper was caught out of position during a goal-mouth scramble. Luis Suarez kicks the ball away, only for Dominic Adiyiah to head the ball back towards the net… where Suarez raises his arms to deflect the shot.  Red card for Suarez and a penalty for Ghana.

But then Asamoah Gyan sends the jabulani sailing into the crossbar… and sends the Ghanians home in tears, after Uruguay win a penalty shoot-out.

Now the Uruguayans have to manage the high-flying Dutchmen (ho ho!) without the rambunctious Suarez, who is definitely suspended for the semi-final. They’ll also have to do without Paris Hilton, who was arrested for allegedly passing the Dutchie on the left-hand side.

The build-up to tomorrow’s game between the Argies and Ze Germans has been downright nasty. Somewhere, there are a bunch of old RAF commanders giggling into their Pimm’s…

Late game: Spain plays Paraguay.

Brent Lanthier

Leave a comment

Filed under World Cup