Back in my university days, when I was a virile young rapscallion looking to meet as many women as possible, my friends and I would watch each crop of First-Year students as they arrived on campus, assessing the young ladies for — let’s say — possibilities.
Invariably, there would be one or two gorgeous creatures who would pique our interest. But word travelled fast in my small school and we were usually disappointed that most of our targets had boyfriends back home, or at another centre for higher learning.
“Not to worry”, someone would say, “she’ll be single by Christmas.” And lo and behold, the freshman (freshwoman?!?) would return for second semester, sans ami.
So after this last month, I can only assume most owners of English football clubs are like me at 19 years old: horny and stupid. Why else would they be dumping old managers by Christmas, only to chase new ones, in a never-ending parade of pink slips?
Here are the stats:
– Since Christmas, 14 of the 92 Premier and Football league teams — 15 percent — have hired new managers.
– Since the end of the World Cup, 27 clubs have fired and hired their gaffers. That’s 30 percent of teams, including five in the Premier League.
– Forty-three managers have been on the job less than a calendar year. That’s means almost 50 percent of English teams have changed their bosses since last January.
– More than 70 percent of managers have been at their jobs for less than two years. How many of them will be in the same job come May?
– Only 10 managers have been in place since the World Cup in Germany. They include Premier League managers Sir Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger, David Moyes, Tony Pulis and surprisingly, Mick McCarthy. Interesting note: that list would have included the much-maligned Rafa Benitez, before his departure from Liverpool.
I can’t understand why clubs will fire a manager they consider sub-standard, only to bring another with a record of mediocre results. Example: the sad revolving door at Preston North End.
Last week, the Lancashire side appointed ex-Hull manager Phil Brown to replace Darren Ferguson. Ferguson — the scion of Sir Alex — started his managerial career while still a player at Peterborough United. Joining Posh in January 2007, Ferguson helped the League Two club to a top-ten finish. The next two seasons saw two straight promotions, and Peterborough were in the Championship. But Ferguson would only see four months of that league; by November 2009, he was gone.
Six weeks later, he was at the helm of Preston. Less than one year later, he was gone again. The firing drew headlines because after his departure, Darren’s famous father withdrew three Manchester United players who were at Preston on loan. Not to worry, Darren’s back on the touchline… at Peterborough United again! The team that thought he wasn’t good enough to manage have hired him back!!!
Meanwhile, his replacement has own history of highs and lows. Phil Brown famously pulled Hull City from the Championship’s relegation zone in 2007, and got them promoted into the Premier League the following season. It was the first time in the club’s 100+ year history that they’d reached the top flight. Not only did they go up, they stayed up… for a year. But Brown’s bizarre coaching methods and questionable purchases did him in. Hull dropped leagues… and dropped Brown in the process. Yet Preston must have thought, if he can get Hull promoted, he can save us as well.
It must be frustrating days for the Lilywhites. The first-ever English champions and double winners have made the Championship play-offs three times in the past six seasons, yet in the second tier they remain. They sit at the foot of the table while they watch local rivals Blackpool make a respectable go of it in the Prem.
But Preston is just one example of the “now, now, now” mentality of clubs. Owners want results, not willing to let a manager’s methods settle in — or bring in new players to work with. It’s either win now… or else it’s the Dear John letter.
Without sounding like an afterschool special, football clubs have become like horny college students: always on the hunt for the next big score, instead trying to weather bad times and build a relationship that could pay off in the end.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a beautiful woman who just walked into the pub. I wonder if that’s her boyfriend…