Dear Roy Hodgson,
Welcome to Anfield! Sorry about the mess… hope it’s not a problem…
It’s only been two months but we noticed you’re already getting a bit snippy with the press. Perhaps your optimism has been dampened by the malaise of your players… and the fans… and the members of the board who don’t own team.
To be fair, Woy, it’s not been a good week for you. In seven days, you’ve lost to hated rivals Manchester United, and then to much-feared Northampton Town. To top it off — on LFC’s first Saturday game of the season — the Reds put in such a lacklustre performance against Sunderland that the Kop went into a venti lather, extra-whipped, extra-foamy.
It hasn’t been a great start to the entire season either. Facing Arsenal, Manchester City and Manchester United in the first five Prem games can give any manager a bit of the “frownies”. One has to wonder if bad results at the start of the season might send the team into a downward cycle of depression and self-loathing — just as Chelsea’s ridiculously easy start may have gone to their heads. Perhaps you could have Kenny Daglish step in to give the boys a bit of a pep talk, eh?
You’ve also said you’re a bit concerned about the ownership situation. Maybe you’ve realized that no one’s even come close to Tom Hicks’ minimum bid for the team on eBay. Or you could be miffed that he recently tried to pawn the players, stadium and team assets off just to pay the rent… because he’ll earn it back. You just have to trust him.
Conversely, you may be worried that Hicks and Gillet won’t make their debt deadline… meaning the Royal Bank of Scotland would own the team. Are you worried that the league would consider that a financial no-no and deducts points? Or are you worried that the club would be run by actual Scottish people? Hey, there’s King Kenny again, waving from his office… and he’s waiting for your call!
We can see how you’d be upset about losing points to administration. Let’s see: 6 minus 9… carry the “1”… a bit of a steep hill, no? If you listen closely, you can hear Wigan and West Ham fans laughing…
Look on the bright side: you are the manager of Liverpool FC, England’s most successful team! But now you’re miffed that the same media outlets that squeezed your cheeks and patted your bum — after you took little Fulham to the finals of that little tournament — are now reminding you that Liverpool has had its worst start in 57 years. And they won’t stop.
But not to worry! You’ve got Steven Gerrard (when he’s not hurt), Fernando Torres (when he’s not hurt… or close to tears) and Joe Cole (when he’s not suspended… or hurt… or both). Just ask Stevie… this year, this is the year. He promises.
So turn that frown upside-down, and remember: it’s only three more months to go until the next transfer window. What could possibly go wrong between now and then?
At The Rails